it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
