Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
