just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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