My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
