Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize