Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
