Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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