There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
