sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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