So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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