What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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