i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
