Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
