how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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