I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
