Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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