I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
