Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
