I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
