i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
