so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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