I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
