'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
