if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
