I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
