Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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