He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
