Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
