Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
