Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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