he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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