I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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