yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
