there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need water and some morals
Randomize
