The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
