i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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