oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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