Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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