Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
