Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
