Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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