I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize