I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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