Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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