We're like a lot better than the average bears
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
