i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
