You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
