New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
