Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
