i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
