We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
