Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
