he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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