in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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