I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
