So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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