How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
