He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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