I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
