Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize