woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
