I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
