so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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