its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
