So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
