I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
bring money and cleavage
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
