I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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