omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He has the fingertips of a God
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