did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
