You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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