Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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