she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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