Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
