Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
